There was still so much love in her heart, if only she could learn how to release it. The LONELY WEDDING GUEST Outside the hospital doors the car stood waiting. Doug made sure Lorna was comfortable, tucked her cosily in a blanket, and took her hand. “Darling,” he said, “it’ll be all right, really it will. When we get home, we’ll have a nice cup of tea round the fire, then something to eat, just the two of us.” She stared straight ahead. “Mrs Evans was going home today as well. With her baby girl. Oh, Doug, she was sweet, so tiny. -” “Lorna,” he said, “don’t think about it. At least we have each other.” “I know”, she said listlessly. At the flat he put his arm round her, and led her through the living-room, where a fireguard stood in front of a blazing fire. The room was flooded with a cosy golden glow. She buried her face in his jacket. “I thought this time I would be lucky,” she said. “So did I,” he said, momentarily off guard. She stepped back to look at him. “Doug, I really am the most selfish person that ever lived. Here I am, moaning on, and not a word about you and your feelings. What an awful wife I turned out to be.” He hugged her. “Bless you,” she said. “You’re the best husband in all the world. And now I’m going to snap out of it.” She smiled at him. “That’s my girl,” he said. “You know, I put two quick dinner-for-one things in the oven while I was out. They should be ready by now. You sit there by the fire and I’ll bring it on trays in here. I really cope very well when you’re away, you know.” She watched him disappear into the kitchen. What a darling he was. Two disappointments for him as well as for her. And this time she’d been sure she was going to come home with a baby in her arms. She had felt bitter enough the first time. Why does it have to happen to me? she’d thought. Some of those mothers don’t even want their babies, and here’s me, just longing for one. It seems so unfair. This time, though, they had told her there must be no more babies. In the maternity hospital, after the loss of her stillborn baby, they had moved her to a side ward. Firstly, because she had been very ill, and then because the sight of the new mothers eagerly waiting to take their babies from the nurses’ arms was almost more than she could bear. Now, she felt remote. For the first time, she was resigned to it. Doug reappeared with a drink in each hand. “I thought we’d wait a bit, and have a drink,” he said. “So here you are – a toast to us.” She smiled at him. “To us,” she repeated. Later that evening, when they were drinking coffee in front of the fire, he broached the topic that had been uppermost in his mind the last few days. “Don’t you feel now, darling, that perhaps it might be a good idea to contact the adoption society?” “Please Doug,” she said, “you know how I feel about that. I couldn’t love another child as I could my own. Someone else’s child, not the same,” she finished lamely. “All right, darling,” he said. “It’s early days yet.” As the days and weeks wore on, Lorna remained outwardly calm, working around the flat with her old vim and vigour, making new curtains for the spare room, even redecorating the bathroom. She never mentioned now the loss of the baby, neither of them did. One morning a wedding invitation arrived. “It’s from Betty,” she said. “She’s getting married on the sixteen. Oh, that’s not the week you’re going to Birmingham, is it?” “Fraid so,” Doug said, looking in his diary. “I don’t get back till late Saturday night. Why don’t you go? You’ve always got on well with Betty.” Betty was a cousin of Doug’s, a gay, giddy creature, whom everyone thought was too wild ever to settle down. “I would like to see her married,” she said. “It’s just facing all the relatives, and those aunts of yours who have such an enormous families. Doug, I hate it when they start commiserating with me. If they could just not mention it. - ” “Darling, he said, “I know how you feel, but I think you’d enjoy it, just the same. If I got back in time, perhaps I could follow on and pick you up?” “That’s an idea,” she answered. As the day of the wedding drew near, Lorna became quite excited at the prospect. She wore her pretty ice blue suit, with the long, chocolate gloves and shoes. Her hat was a concoction of chocolate brown flowers and ice blue tulle. Looking at herself at the mirror, Lorna felt very pleased with the result. She left early in order to drive the twenty-five miles to the little church in Surrey where the wedding was to be held. The day was fine, and promised to be warm. Going straight to the church, she was in time to join the guests on the bride’s side of the church. When the bride finally entered the church on her father’s arm, she felt a lump in her throat. How lovely Betty looked! Afterwards, at the bride’s home, where the reception was held, Lorna put on a bright smile and went round from one relative to another, exchanging gossip and news. Really, she was quite enjoying herself. In the doorway of the crowded room, the small boy stood taking in the scene. From his level, it was a sea of legs, - dark trousered legs, slim, nylon-clad legs. Having focused his eyes on a pair of dark brown court shoes, he slowly looked upwards, but although he stood on tiptoe, he couldn’t find their owner. He made his way across the room, keeping his eyes firmly fixed on the shoes. After some difficulty he arrived at her side. Looking up at her, he tried to attract her attention, but she was busy talking. He tugged gently at her skirt. Lorna looked down at him with some surprise. “Hello,” she said, her blue eyes twinkling. “I’ve just done the washing up,” he said. “Have you now?” she asked. “You are a good boy.” Smiling at him, she resumed her conversation. “Who is that little boy?” she asked. They looked amused. ”Cute isn’t he? He’s Mary’s eldest boy - Colin. Must be about seven, I suppose. Mary’s the one with the three small children – you know, the bride’s eldest sister. She lived down in Hampshire, somewhere.” She felt another tug. “I put all the small cups and saucers away, too,“ the small boy said. “And did you know where to put them all?” she asked anxiously. “Of course,” he said. “This is my gran’s house. “I could come and do your washing-up for you,” he went on eagerly. “That would be lovely,” she replied. “But I live such a long way from you.” “That doesn’t matter,” he said. “Your mummy would miss you, I’m sure.” “No she wouldn’t,” he replied. “She has the baby – and Mandy,” he added dubiously. “What a lucky mummy,” she said. “I haven’t even got one little boy.” “Well then!” he said triumphantly. Their conversation was interrupted by the entrance of the bride and groom to cut the wedding cake. Drinking a toast, Lorna glanced down to find Colin was still at her side. “I could come back with you tonight,” he said, carrying on where they’d left off. “I don’t think that would be possible,” she said gently. “I haven’t anything ready for you, you see. And we don’t know what your mummy would say. Besides” - she had a brainwave - “what about school?” “Oh, my teacher wouldn’t mind. I could take a note.” He thought for a minute. “Or send one. That would be quite all right.” “Perhaps we could arrange something for the holidays?” she said. “Suppose so,” he agreed. “But tonight would do very well.” His anxious and somewhat harassed mother came across to them. “There you are,” she said. “I wondered where you were. I do hope he’s not being a nuisance. “Good heavens, no,” Lorna said. “We were just wondering if you would let him come and stay with me for a few days during the holidays.” “Well, thank you,” his mother said. “That would be lovely, if you are quite sure he wouldn’t be a nuisance.” The boy’s face lit up and took Lorna’s hand. “You see?” he whispered.” I’ll write you and we’ll fix it then,” Lorna said. “Perhaps right at the beginning of the holidays, then it won’t be so long to wait.” She squeezed his hand. “I have to go now, I’m afraid. Would you like to take me to my car?” Still gripping her hand, he skipped along beside her. “If you wish anything hard enough, it comes true. I know, I’ve tried it,” he confided. “I wished I could come and stay with you, and I’m going to.” Her heart warmed and a lovely and lowing feeling spread through her. “You know,” he prattled on, “you said you hadn’t got a little boy like me at home. Well, if you wish hard enough, you’ll get one. Then I’ll have someone to play with when I come, and you’ll have someone to do your washing-up when I’m not there.” “Do you know,” she said slowly, “you’re absolutely right. I do think that’s a splendid idea. I’ll see what I can do.” His flushed face and glowing eyes assured her of endless devotion. In the car, she started the engine, and lowered the window to say good-bye. She couldn’t wait to get home to Doug. What would he think of the idea? she wondered. A small boy, perhaps, in need of love and affection, that she and Doug, with the love they had between them, could share. Or a little girl – or even a baby. A baby, she thought. What did it matter whose baby it was, if you loved it? I’ll ring the adoption people in the morning, she thought, waving to Colin as she drove off. THE END © Rose Boucheron